Quotes ‘n’ Things

The Babtism

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A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, ‘Are you ready to find Jesus?’ … Continue readings

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Minx for Defense

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Someone asked me recently what the smallest gun should be for bear defense. My personal favorite bear defense gun has always been a Beretta Minx in .22 short! I’ve found over the years when hiking in bear country I never leave without it in my pocket. Of course we all know the first rule when … Continue readings

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The Lion Tamer

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A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired postal employee in his seventies and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so … Continue readings

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The Welfare Check

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A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hey brother.  You know…., I just HATE drawing welfare.  I’d really rather have a job.” The social worker behind the counter said, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from … Continue readings

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Number 3

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Proof that you can never underestimate the inventiveness of American’s Farm Boys:  At a high school in Montana , a group of boy students played a prank. They let three goats loose inside the school. But before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2 and 4. School Administrators … Continue readings

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The Professional

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A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn’t know what … Continue readings

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Ice Warning!

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I did not know this… When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure. When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure. When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems. When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice … Continue readings

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Ole’ Blue

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A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money ….. he calls home. “Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula that will teach our dog, Ole’ Blue how to talk!” “That’s amazing,” … Continue readings

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The Balcony

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A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three seats in the posh Amarillo Theater.  When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry sir, but you only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge.  The usher became more impatient: “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going … Continue readings

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Horses

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(The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that; “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, best strategy is to dismount.) However, in government more advanced strategies are often employed, such as: 1. Buying a stronger whip. 2. Changing riders. 3. Appointing a committee to study the … Continue readings

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Service Explained

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I became confused when I heard the word“Service“ used with these agencies: Internal Revenue ‘Service’ U.S. Postal ‘Service’ Telephone ‘Service’ Cable TV ‘Service’ Civil ‘Service’ State, City, County & Public ‘Service’ Customer ‘Service’ This is not what I thought ‘Service’ meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had … Continue readings

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Thanks!

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  Picture Credit:  10150474006170809&set=a.10150262081590809.374179.664260808&type=1&ref=nf

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